Effective parenting requires a hefty learning curve. Today’s parents must observe and adapt to survive. The more I parent, the more I learn lessons the hard way.
The silver lining in this cloud of imperfection is this: I’m gaining more insight each day. In fact, I’ll probably be about halfway there by the time my youngest leaves for college. (I’ll be almost ready for this parenting thing by the time my grandkids arrive!)
This past year has provided plenty of these life-lessons, allowing my wife and I the opportunity to test-drive three parenting practices truly helping us better connect with our daughter.
Three Practices Helping Us Connect with Our Teen:
1. The fine art of shutting up
My oldest kid would be the first to tell you, “Dad loves to lecture.” The problem is, the more I talked, the less they listened. I’m on kid #3 and I think I’m finally getting the hint: dialogue is far more effective than monologue.
One of the best practices I’ve learned this year is simply shutting up. It’s amazing what you can learn when you just sit back like a fly on the wall, noticing your kids and listening. Try this when you drive a car full of your kids’ friends. Shut up… and they’ll forget you’re there. You’ll learn a lot about your son or daughter’s world that you never knew.
Better yet, try this at the dinner table if you want to get your teenager talking.
Ask a question… then just clam it. My youngest never answers the first question. I have to wait it out. Eventually she’ll kill the silence.
Most kids love being heard—they’re just never given the opportunity. But this requires proximity. You can’t listen to them if they aren’t there. That’s where I learned this next practice…
2. Saying “yes”
Say yes to any opportunity to connect with your kid.
“Dad, have you eaten lunch yet?” Interpretation: “Will you take me to Rim’s Deli and buy me that hot pastrami sub?”
This year I’ve tried something. I’ve tried saying yes to any opportunity to connect. It doesn’t matter if I’m in the middle of doing yard work, taxes, or even tackling a writing deadline due the next day. I slide it all aside and take the time to connect with my kid. In all honesty, I’ve probably improved this practice with the most urgency this year because the clock is ticking. My youngest moves away to college this fall. I’m going to miss these moments.
I reflect back on countless times as a young parent where my kids would ask me:
“Dad, do you wanna play video games?”
“Wanna play Barbies?”
“Wanna play a Barbie video game?”
So many times I was too busy. (Can you hear Cat’s in the Cradle playing in the background?) How I wish I could go back in time and change my response.
Now I look for any opportunity to be in the same room as my kids, and that includes…
3. Providing the house to “hang”
“Dad, can Megan spend the night… on a school night?”
“Absolutely.”
“Can we feed her dinner?”
“No problem.”
The question is simple. Would I rather my daughter be at someone else’s house, or have her here? This year we’ve not only committed time, but also money to this practice.
“This Sunday night we’re all thinking of going somewhere to watch movies.”
“Bring them all over here. I’ll buy pizza and Mexican sodas.” (Italy and Mexico get along well in my house.)
This year has provided plenty of opportunities… costly opportunities.
“Dad, next Wednesday is senior cut day, so I want to bail school and go to the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk with my friends, but two of them can only go if a parent goes.”
“I’ll take you. Let me email your school and excuse you.”
Yeah, call me crazy, but I did it (it helps that she’s getting a 4.2 grade point average and it’s the last month of school). Any opportunity to be with her.
In fact, opportunities like this give me the chance to rehearse all three of these practices. I said yes to this opportunity, and got to
spend the day with my daughter and her friends in Santa Cruz. I shut up most of the drive and listened a lot. The same group spent the night at my house the next week and I made them all breakfast. They know our door is open to them any time.
Is your door open?
Adapting and learning as a parent has opened the door to numerous new opportunities to connect with my daughter this year. Does that mean I have this parenting thing perfected? Hardly. Am I some super parent? Ha! I wish. All I am is a parent who is learning from my mistakes and gaining more insight each day. These little life lessons are providing me with new opportunities to build into my kids regularly.
What is an opportunity to connect with your kid that you can say yes too?
Have you tried just shutting up and listening?
How can you be proactive to make your house a safe place to “hang”?
Jonathan McKee
Jonathan McKee is the author of over twenty books including the brand new The Guy's Guide to FOUR BATTLES Every Young Man Must Face; The Teen’s Guide to Social Media & Mobile Devices; If I Had a Parenting Do Over; and the Amazon Best Seller - The Guy's Guide to God, Girls and the Phone in Your Pocket. He speaks to parents and leaders worldwide, all while providing free resources for parents on his website TheSource4Parents.com. Jonathan, his wife Lori, and their three kids live in California.
Recommended To You
x27hz
June 6, 2025 at 5:06 amorder cheap clomid no prescription where buy clomiphene tablets where to get clomid without dr prescription clomiphene reddit buying cheap clomid no prescription generic clomid where to buy generic clomid without dr prescription
Aaronhag
June 6, 2025 at 8:23 amrx one pharmacy llc: anthem online pharmacy – hometown pharmacy
JamesHig
June 7, 2025 at 4:08 amhow to get generic viagra: buy viagra visa – where to get sildenafil online
Billynar
June 7, 2025 at 4:50 amsildenafil singapore: VGR Sources – can you buy viagra in canada
Billynar
June 7, 2025 at 8:29 amsildenafil pills canada: VGR Sources – sildenafil canada prescription
RodneyWeelf
June 7, 2025 at 8:50 amhttps://vgrsources.com/# buy 150 mg viagra online
JamesHig
June 7, 2025 at 11:41 amviagra 150: can you buy viagra in mexico – where can you buy viagra over the counter in canada
Billynar
June 7, 2025 at 12:10 pmsildenafil drug: cost of 100mg viagra – viagra prescription india
Alfonsoamado
June 10, 2025 at 3:33 amrybelsus mexico farmacia: SemagluPharm – rybelsus and depression
Estebanvarce
June 10, 2025 at 4:23 amCrestor Pharm: Crestor mail order USA – does crestor raise calcium levels
JamesRon
June 10, 2025 at 7:40 amhttp://lipipharm.com/# what does lipitor do
Alfonsoamado
June 10, 2025 at 7:58 amLipiPharm: Lipi Pharm – Atorvastatin online pharmacy
Estebanvarce
June 10, 2025 at 8:42 amBest price for Crestor online USA: CrestorPharm – Affordable cholesterol-lowering pills
Alfonsoamado
June 10, 2025 at 12:15 pmapo prednisone: PredniPharm – PredniPharm
Estebanvarce
June 10, 2025 at 12:53 pmwhy can’t you cut rybelsus in half: SemagluPharm – Semaglu Pharm
JamesRon
June 10, 2025 at 3:17 pmhttps://lipipharm.shop/# plavix and lipitor
Patricksoarp
June 13, 2025 at 3:47 amhttps://semaglupharm.shop/# Semaglu Pharm
Billyanasy
June 13, 2025 at 4:41 amPredni Pharm: Predni Pharm – Predni Pharm
AlbertoPor
June 13, 2025 at 4:49 amCrestorPharm Buy statins online discreet shipping side effects crestor vs lipitor
JamesRon
June 13, 2025 at 8:19 amhttps://crestorpharm.com/# Buy cholesterol medicine online cheap
Alfonsoamado
June 13, 2025 at 8:58 amOrder Rybelsus discreetly: Semaglu Pharm – rybelsus 9mg
Patricksoarp
June 13, 2025 at 9:31 amhttps://semaglupharm.com/# SemagluPharm
Billyanasy
June 13, 2025 at 11:06 amlipitor route of administration: LipiPharm – LipiPharm
AlbertoPor
June 13, 2025 at 11:15 amPredniPharm PredniPharm prednisone 20mg