Never Worn White

Main Point: Understanding God’s design and plans for marriage can help us prepare for the best marriage possible.

Vital Info Before You Get Started: The following info should help you contextualize this very popular song so you can have a great discussion about it with your kids.

• IMPORTANT NOTE TO PARENTS: We at The Source for Youth Ministry believe that certain elements in our youth culture can serve as good discussion jump starters with students. At the same time, we would never hope to introduce teens to a negative influence that they haven’t already encountered. This balance is a delicate one. In our experience most teens, churched and unchurched, keep pretty current with music and music videos like this one. Thanks to YouTube, Spotify, and Apple Music, the most popular music videos and songs are free to access only a click away. If you decide to use this, do so by catering it to fit your family’s needs.
• Raised in an extremely conservative family, Katy Perry grew up in California where her parents were both in pastoral ministry. She was born as Katheryn Elizabeth Hudson, but changed her name to Katy Perry, using her mother’s maiden name.
• Perry started singing at the age of nine, and recorded a gospel album when she was thirteen. In the subsequent years, Perry would go in a completely different direction with her life and her music, finding fame with the 2008 release of I Kissed a Girl. Since then, Katy Perry has become one of the biggest names in music, releasing four more studio albums with a new one rumored to be releasing in 2020.
• Today, Perry is considered a popular sex-symbol, gaining attention with her dress and ability to market her sexuality. She also is known for being a judge on American Idol as well as being engaged to actor Orlando Bloom. Perry and Bloom are expecting their first child in 2020.

Introducing the Song – Say Something Like This: Never Worn White is a wedding-themed ballad about securing a lifelong love with someone, and in this case, the song points to her fiancé Orlando Bloom. Perry’s release of this song was also her announcement that she was pregnant with her first child. In an interview, Perry said the pregnancy was “no accident” and she and Bloom are “both looking forward to this new interval of life and sharing this.” In the video Perry appears both in white and also in a dress fashioned with flowers as she sings about her desire to get this marriage (her second) right.

The Music Video: The music video can be viewed for free at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UyKgYMQ-AlQ

Song Lyrics: Never Worn White

You love the hell out of me
And heaven’s where we could be
I’ve stood on the edge of love
But never took the leap
And you took my armor off
And did it delicately
And I let my guard down
To show you what’s underneath

Thank God that you were man enough to come
Answer my mama’s prayers
You asked the question, I said, “Yes”
But I’m scared

‘Cause I’ve never worn white
But I wanna get it right
Yeah, I really wanna try with you
No, I’ve never worn white
But I’m standin’ here tonight
‘Cause I really wanna say “I do”
I do

See us in sixty years with a full family tree (I do)
Give my blood, sweat, and tears to reach our destiny (I do)
‘Cause love is a minefield, let’s take this war, baby (I do)
‘Cause at the end of it all, I choose you and you choose me (I do)

Thank God I was woman enough to come
Answer your father’s prayers
You asked the question
I could tell you were scared

‘Cause I’ve never worn white
But I wanna get it right
Yeah, I really wanna try with you
No, I’ve never worn white
But I’m standin’ here tonight
‘Cause I really wanna say “I do”

Now let’s dance with each other (Dance with each other)
Mixing all of our colors
It’s so easy to surrender
When you finally find forever

No, I’ve never worn white, no
But I really wanna try with you
Yeah, I’ve never worn white
But I wanna get it right
‘Cause I really wanna say “I do”

Three Questions to Ask in the Car (with thoughts to dive deeper with your kids):

Q: What do you think she means about getting marriage right? What does that look like?
A: Builds clearly off of the song, grabs the theme and opens the door to conversation.

Q: What do you think she means when she says she lets her guard down?
A: Starts a conversation about vulnerability and openness, and a good place to go with this is to talk about guarding your heart and body in a relationship.

Q: If Katy Perry asked you for advice as she goes into this marriage, what would you tell her?
A: Fun question that gets to the heart of their view of marriage, grace, and what it looks like for Katy to make the right choices moving forward.

Where to Take It from Here: Wherever it feels natural. If these questions lead to a longer discussion on the topic, wonderful!  (There is a guide just after this paragraph that helps you do just that.) If your kids are barely uttering grunts, don’t get discouraged – the next time it feels right, try out another song. Keep engaging them.

For Deeper Discussion:
(If your kids seem into diving in deeper and looking at what the Bible has to say on the subject, the following discussion guide can help take you there.)

Want help getting your teenager engaged in conversation? CLICK HERE for a helpful article from our “Parenting Help” page providing you with 3 Essentials to Talking with Today’s Teens.

Transition Statement – Say Something Like This: Perry wrote this song to celebrate her relationship with Orlando Bloom and the child they are having together. She has a desire to do her second marriage the right way. Let’s look at what the Bible says about marriage, God’s design for it, and what it means to guard our hearts and our bodies as we prepare ourselves for that relationship designed to last a lifetime.?

Discussion Questions:

1. ASK YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY: What is one thing you’ve seen at a wedding that you would NEVER want at your own wedding?
2. ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS:  What do you think Perry means when she sings; and you took my armor off and did it delicately?
3. ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: What do you think might be significant about the lyrics that say; thank God that you were man enough to come answer my mama’s prayers?
4. ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: What do you think Perry means when she sings that she wants to get this marriage right? Why do you think she might feel this way?
5. ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: What might Perry mean when she sings it’s so easy to surrender when you finally find forever? What do you personally think about this lyric?
6. ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: Coming from a marriage that didn’t end well, why do you think Perry might have the perspective she does as she heads into this marriage?

Read the following passage:

Genesis 2:24
That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

Hebrews 13:4
Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure.

7. ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: Read Genesis 2:18-24. Why did God design marriage?

8. ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: What do you think it means to leave your father and mother?

9. ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: Looking at the lyric that says mixing all of our colors, how do you think that might relate to Genesis 2:24? What do you think that might look like in a marriage?

10. ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: Looking at Hebrews 13:4, what do you think it means to honor marriage?

11. ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: Talk about what you think it means to keep the marriage bed pure? Why do you think God has designed marriage to be this way?

12. ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: What are things a teenager can do right now that will prepare them to do marriage right when the time comes?

13. ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: What would you say to Katy Perry if she asked you how to get marriage right this time around?

Wrap Up – Say Something Like This:  It seems from this song that Katy deeply loves her fiancée and wants to get marriage right, and that’s something worthy of respect. It makes us think what it means to get marriage right, and what that might look like for us. A look at God’s Word might expose some things in Perry’s life, but far more importantly, it can help us assure we put ourselves in a position where we can do marriage God’s way when the time comes. Perhaps something from this discussion stands out to you as something you have a desire to do differently in your own life. Take a moment and talk to God, acknowledging the desire of your heart, and inviting Him into your new direction. 

(Pause and give them a quiet moment to mediate and pray silently.)

Proverbs 4:23 tells us “above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” If this is the case, what might that look like for you right now? How might you need to better guard your heart with your future spouse in mind? Right now it can be so easy to only see what’s in front of us, and to give ourselves too much to relationships that will not last. Would you consider taking time to ask God to help you guard your heart and to invite Him to reveal steps you might need to take to that end? 

(Pause and give them a few moments to pray silently.)

God designed marriage to be a wonderful thing between a man and a woman that lasts a lifetime. If that’s your desire, and you want to honor God and marriage, consider the steps you might need to take. Perhaps today you realize you’ve made some choices that might impact your future marriage. Know that Jesus offers grace, forgiveness, and His amazing ability to fix what’s broken. It’s never too late to turn our hearts to Him and ask Him to make us whole. Let’s be people who pursue God’s plan for marriage, get up when we fall, and look forward to that day when we might honor Him by joining together with another in marriage. 

CLOSE IN PRAYER