Everything I Wanted

Main Point: There is power in having someone love us relentlessly, and because of Jesus we can show others that type of love.

Vital Info Before You Get Started: The following info should help you contextualize this very popular song so you can have a great discussion about it with your kids.

• IMPORTANT NOTE TO PARENTS: We at The Source for Youth Ministry believe that certain elements in our youth culture can serve as good discussion jump starters with students. At the same time, we would never hope to introduce teens to a negative influence that they haven’t already encountered. This balance is a delicate one. In our experience most teens, churched and unchurched, keep pretty current with music and music videos like this one. Thanks to YouTube, MTV.com, Spotify, and iTunes, the most popular music videos and songs are free to access only a click away. If you decide to use this, do so by catering it to fit your family’s needs.
• Raised in Los Angeles, Billie Eilish started writing her own songs at the age of eleven.
• Being raised in a musician family, Billie was most influenced by her older brother, Finneas O’Connell.
• In 2017 she recorded her brother’s song, “Ocean Eyes,” which became a hit and was a significant breakthrough in her music career.
• At the age of 17, Eilish was nominated for six Grammy Awards.
• She is known for her distinctive baggy clothes which she says she wears to avoid people from body shaming her, stating that if they can’t see it, they can’t comment on it.

Introducing the Song – Say Something Like This: Released in November of 2019, Everything I Wanted is the second single released from Eilish following her hit debut album When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go? The song is about her relationship with her brother Finneas, in addition to being about a nightmare Billie had. In her nightmare, she took her own life and nobody appeared to care. The song speaks powerfully to our need to be loved.

The Music Video: The music video can be viewed for free at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=66&v=qCTMq7xvdXU

Song Lyrics: Everything I Wanted

I had a dream
I got everything I wanted
Not what you’d think
And if I’m bein’ honest
It might’ve been a nightmare
To anyone who might care
Thought I could fly (Fly)
So I stepped off the Golden, mm
Nobody cried (Cried, cried, cried, cried)
Nobody even noticed
I saw them standing right there
Kinda thought they might care (Might care, might care)

I had a dream
I got everything I wanted
But when I wake up, I see
You with me

And you say, “As long as I’m here, no one can hurt you
Don’t wanna lie here, but you can learn to
If I could change the way that you see yourself
You wouldn’t wonder why you hear ‘they don’t deserve you'”

I tried to scream
But my head was underwater
They called me weak
Like I’m not just somebody’s daughter
Coulda been a nightmare
But it felt like they were right there
And it feels like yesterday was a year ago
But I don’t wanna let anybody know
‘Cause everybody wants something from me now
And I don’t wanna let ’em down

I had a dream
I got everything I wanted
But when I wake up, I see
You with me

And you say, “As long as I’m here, no one can hurt you
Don’t wanna lie here, but you can learn to
If I could change the way that you see yourself
You wouldn’t wonder why you hear ‘they don’t deserve you'”

If I knew it all then, would I do it again?
Would I do it again?
If they knew what they said would go straight to my head
What would they say instead?
If I knew it all then, would I do it again?
Would I do it again?
If they knew what they said would go straight to my head
What would they say instead?

Three Questions to Ask in the Car (with thoughts to dive deeper with your kids):

Q: Where do you think dreams come from? Do you remember your dreams?
A: Depending how it goes, you can probe into their dreams where it seems natural, but at the minimum you are able to get insight into their experience with dreams.

Q: If you got “everything you wanted” what would that be for you?
A: Could be a fun question that gives some insight into their desires.

Q: Who is someone you know who seems to feel unloved?
A: If you ask this carefully, it could unlock a gold mine as you see how they view others and who they notice. You also could steer this into a conversation about how they can respond to someone who feels unloved.

Where to Take It from Here: Wherever it feels natural. If these questions lead to a longer discussion on the topic, wonderful!  (There is a guide just after this paragraph that helps you do just that.) If your kids are barely uttering grunts, don’t get discouraged – the next time it feels right, try out another song. Keep engaging them.

For Deeper Discussion:
(If your kids seem into diving in deeper and looking at what the Bible has to say on the subject, the following discussion guide can help take you there.)

Want help getting your teenager engaged in conversation? CLICK HERE for a helpful article from our “Parenting Help” page providing you with 3 Essentials to Talking with Today’s Teens.

Transition Statement – Say Something Like This: There is so much power in being loved, and this song provokes discussion about the role being loved and loving others can play in our lives. Sometimes we can wonder if anyone really cares, or just feel like we need to change the way we see ourselves. This song raises some good questions, so let’s take some time and talk about them.

Discussion Questions:

1. ASK EVERYONE: Do you dream regularly? Do you remember your dreams or not?
2. ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: What do you think about Billie’s dream that she explains in the opening verse?
3. ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: What do you think she means when she says “I got everything I wanted?”
4. ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: Looking at the lyrics, where do you see Eilish making reference to the impact her brother has on her life?
5. ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: Considering her quick rise to fame, what do you think she means when she says, “Cause everybody wants something from me now, And I don’t wanna let ’em down.”
6. ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: What do you think is the significance of the line that says, “If I could change the way that you see yourself?”
7. ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: Looking at the lyrics that say, “If they knew what they said would go straight to my head,” do you think people generally realize the power of their words towards others?
8. ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: Where in this song do you think Eilish is talking about being loved?
9. ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: Why do you think people enjoy living with the mindset reflected in this song? In what ways does living with this mindset leave people wanting more?

Read the following passage:

Proverbs 17:17
A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.

Proverbs 18:24
One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

10. ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: Reading these two Proverbs, what is similar about them and where are they different?

11. ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: What do you think it means to be born for a time of adversity?

12. ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: What do you think makes a friend unreliable?

13. ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: When Proverbs 18:24 says the one who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin – what do you think that looks like in the lives of a teenager?

14. ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: It’s easy to read these verses and think of what we have – meaning do we have these types of friendships? But let’s change perspective and think how we can be these types of friends to others. With that in mind, what would it look like for you to be a friend who loves at all times, is born for adversity, and who sticks closer than a brother?

15. ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: What are some challenges to being that kind of friend?

16. ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: Based on what you know about and have experienced with Jesus, in what ways would you say He has been to you the type of friend described in these Proverbs?

17. ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: How do you think being loved as described in these verses can impact someone’s life?

18. ASK ALL FAMILY MEMBERS: How has experiencing the love of Jesus in your own life impacted you?

Wrap Up – Say Something Like This:

What’s remarkable about this song is that it was literally written by a teenager who is walking through many of the same emotions and experiences that you might face. While her rise to fame has obviously changed the game some, the reality of how being loved has impacted her life is something that many can relate to. In her opening verse, she shares a very disturbing dream she had and explains with great vulnerability how she fears that nobody would care if she was gone. In the Old Testament book of Zephaniah, the Bible says in 3:17 that God “will take great delight in you.” Take a moment with God and reflect on this promise, and ask Him to build your faith so you will remember its truth.

(Pause and give them a quiet moment to mediated and pray silently.)

In the midst of everything Billie Eilish has encountered, she has found the faithful love of her brother to be a stabilizing force in her life. For you and I, as we look at this song it’s hard not to realize that everyone needs someone like this in their own life. Right now there are people in your circle of influence, people you encounter and could impact, people who need to be loved. Take a moment and ask Jesus to reveal a name or two of someone you know who needs to know they are loved, and who needs to experience His love through you.

(Pause and give them a few moments to pray silently.)

We live in a day where people feel lonely despite being overly connected in social media and have the ability to be in constant communication with each other. In a world where so many are hitting an emotional wall that they can’t seem to get past, some are reacting with self-harm and even suicide. Imagine how powerful it would be if those who experienced the love of Jesus chose to look around and become a generation who consistently demonstrate His love to others. Consider how this world might change if those who knew Jesus were passionately determined to see the unloved, and to faithfully show them they matter – both to others and to God. Let’s be people who refuse to get so wrapped up in our own stuff that we forget the world needs people who can live out the love of Jesus to this broken world. Let’s take a few minutes to pray for those whose names God has given us during this time and consider how each of us can take a step today to let them know how loved they truly are.

CLOSE IN PRAYER