Parenting Help

Digital Hurt

digital-hurt

The following is an excerpt from Jonathan’s brand new book, The Bullying Breakthrough

Haley is a school counselor at a high school in California. 

She is just 24-years-old, and she loves her phone.

I asked Haley how many of her counseling sessions have to do with phones or social media and she laughed, “Seriously?”

When she finally realized I wasn’t kidding she said, “All of them. If they aren’t the cause of the conflict, then they certainly are an element in it. It’s just the way young people communicate today.”

“How different is it from when you were in high school just a few years ago?” I asked.

“It’s a whole new world.” She said. “A few years ago my friends and I enjoyed our phones—these kids can’t live without them. Some of them can’t sit through five minutes of my sessions without whipping out their phones like I’m not even in the room.”

“How much do devices contribute to bullying?” I asked, cutting to the chase.

“They’ve made it far worse,” Haley said. “It doesn’t stop at school. It blows up overnight and we have to defuse everything that was said for the sixteen hours they were throwing hate off campus.”

“Give me an example.” I said.

“Last month someone posted a ‘nude’ on the school’s Instagram account, which they still don’t know how that happened, by the way. Anyway, the picture was a selfie from the neck down and the caption said it was a sophomore girl from the school…which it wasn’t. But that didn’t matter because the whole school thought it was. She finally switched schools.”

The New Normal

Cyberbullying is a new level of hurt.

Cyberbullying victims are the most likely to commit suicide. Young people who are bullied are twice as likely to contemplate suicide as their peers, but cyberbullying victims are three times as likely.

What is it about cyberbullying that is pushing so many young people past the tipping point? 

Digital communication experts from Common Sense Media define Cyberbullying as “the use of digital-communication tools to make another person feel angry, sad, or scared, usually again and again.”

Then how come most young people don’t necessarily label this kind of mean digital communication as ‘cyberbullying?’

I asked a local psychologist this question and he answered without a second thought. 

“It’s because they don’t know anything different.”

This particular therapist I interviewed works with a wellness program providing “Tier 3” counseling in local schools. That’s when a student’s depression or acting out becomes severe enough that the school feels the student needs to meet with a therapist. This program provides counselors who meet with the student one-on-one on campus for ten sessions, then the family for three sessions. He and his counselors deal with the repercussions of cyberbullying consistently.

“We see this all the time,” he said. “Adults know what it’s like to live life without tech, but students have never experienced a world without it. So the pressure of measuring up and being ‘liked’ is just normal for them. Yes, it’s adding to their stress in unprecedented ways, but they just don’t know any different.”

It’s easy for us to forget how different our perspective is. Most parents today were lucky to only have to endure this kind of drama or teasing from about 7:30AM to 2:30PM on school days. But now our kids are never free from the constant pressure of garnering “LIKES”, enduring comments and navigating mean posts and rants. Bullies now have a platform where they can make lives miserable 24/7.

We now live in a world where the overwhelming majority of young people carry a device in their pockets constantly reminding them exactly where they rank at any moment compared to everybody else.

Think about it. When kids post a picture of their dog Jake sleeping upside down on the coach, within minutes they’ll know exactly how many people “LIKE” the picture, a number which can easily be compared to not only other pictures they have posted, but also to the pictures that all their friends have posted. Not to mention, their “friends” or “followers” are also represented by a number…and young people know exactly what that number is, because that number equates value today. 

How many “friends” do you have? 

How many “LIKES” do you have?

Our kids live in a world where popularity is represented by a number, and almost every post they create is judged, critiqued and measured.

I don’t want to go into too much detail, but a growing number of studies have emerged on this subject revealing some pretty eye-opening realities, like kids sitting and watching for “LIKES” in real time after posting something, or removing any posts that don’t garner enough “LIKES.” 

It’s all about the likes!

We might be horrified by this…but young people don’t know any different.

One of the wellness counselors I interviewed explained, “To us mean comments on social media might be ‘bullying’, but to them it’s just a whole different version of being popular. Being liked is a lot of work.”

Young people today are experiencing the life of a 90’s celebrity. Everywhere they went, these celebrities were followed by a set of eyes who judged them by their appearance, their day-to-day activities, even their offhand comments. All were subject to criticism. 

Now, everyone lives in that world. They’ve opted in to that world.

So cyberbullying is becoming a blurry line. Is it really cyberbullying, or was that kid just being a little rude?

“I was just being real!”

“Just saying!”

Our culture celebrates rude.

Consider the concept of “diss tracks” in hip hop culture, songs written with the intention of “dissing” or disrespecting people. Artists most young people treasure like Kendrick Lamar, Emenim, Jay Z and 2 Pac are famous for some of their diss tracks “laying waste” to other big name rappers.

So why not “lay waste” to other kids at school if we don’t like them?

And what better place to “throw shade” than on social media.

Sadly, cyberbullying is so pervasive… it is the norm. Whenever someone posts a YouTube video garnering heavy traffic, criticism is unavoidable.

“You sound like a dying whale.”

“I can do better.”

“WTF!”

“I wanna mute this”

People are mean in the comment section. It’s like they can’t help it. Maybe it’s because they are hiding behind a screen name and they don’t have the guts to say it face to face.

It happens quite often today. It did with Emily, a junior in high school I interviewed who had become a target of a group of “mean girls” at school. They wrote things on her locker, they shouted things from across the hallway, never having the guts to confront her face to face. Then Emily would get pinged on social media from anonymous sources saying, “Yeah, that was me today!”

But kids like Emily don’t usually tell Mom or Dad.

And the kids who targeted her definitely don’t talk with their parents about what’s going on.

And the kids who observe from the sidelines don’t really know what to do.

The bullied, bullies and bystanders. Which kid is yours?

Are you engaging your kids in conversations about this reality?


 

If you found this article helpful, you’ll enjoy Jonathan’s book, The Bullying Breakthrough, where he not only reveals the warning signs that bullying is occurring, but also unveils three practices that actually prevent cyberbullying.

The Bullying Breakthrough is available on Amazon right now!

By 100 Comments
Share

Jonathan McKee

Jonathan McKee is the author of over twenty books including the brand new The Guy's Guide to FOUR BATTLES Every Young Man Must Face; The Teen’s Guide to Social Media & Mobile Devices; If I Had a Parenting Do Over; and the Amazon Best Seller - The Guy's Guide to God, Girls and the Phone in Your Pocket. He speaks to parents and leaders worldwide, all while providing free resources for parents on his website TheSource4Parents.com. Jonathan, his wife Lori, and their three kids live in California.

100 Comments

  1. Jeromesic
    March 21, 2025 at 8:06 am

    alo 789: alo789 chinh th?c – alo789in

  2. Jamesjiz
    March 24, 2025 at 12:32 am

    MexicanPharmInter: mexican pharmacy online – mexican pharmacy online

  3. Georgetom
    March 24, 2025 at 12:53 am

    reliable mexican pharmacies: MexicanPharmInter – mexican pharmacy online store

  4. Arthurwef
    March 24, 2025 at 1:06 am

    http://interpharmonline.com/# prescription drugs canada buy online
    canadian pharmacy near me

  5. Jamesjiz
    March 24, 2025 at 5:38 am

    mexican pharmacy online: mexican drug stores online – mexican pharmacy online

  6. Arthurwef
    March 24, 2025 at 6:14 am

    https://interpharmonline.shop/# canadian online drugs
    canadian pharmacy king reviews

  7. WillisLutle
    March 24, 2025 at 6:17 am

    https://indiamedfast.shop/# online pharmacy india

  8. MonteMap
    March 24, 2025 at 6:31 am

    reputable canadian pharmacy InterPharmOnline.com canadian pharmacy sarasota

  9. Jamesjiz
    March 24, 2025 at 11:13 am

    mexican pharmacy online: Mexican Pharm Inter – mexican pharmacy online store

  10. Arthurwef
    March 24, 2025 at 11:44 am

    http://interpharmonline.com/# canadian drugs
    rate canadian pharmacies

  11. WillisLutle
    March 24, 2025 at 11:59 am

    https://indiamedfast.com/# buying prescription drugs from india

  12. Georgetom
    March 24, 2025 at 1:54 pm

    cheapest online pharmacy india: online pharmacy india – india online pharmacy store

  13. MonteMap
    March 24, 2025 at 3:39 pm

    Mexican Pharm Inter MexicanPharmInter mexican pharmacy online order

  14. Jamesjiz
    March 24, 2025 at 4:52 pm

    lowest prescription prices online india: buying prescription drugs from india – IndiaMedFast

  15. Arthurwef
    March 24, 2025 at 5:18 pm

    https://indiamedfast.com/# india online pharmacy store
    canada rx pharmacy world

  16. WillisLutle
    March 24, 2025 at 5:43 pm

    https://indiamedfast.com/# IndiaMedFast

  17. Georgetom
    March 24, 2025 at 9:03 pm

    mexican pharmacy online: Mexican Pharm International – mexican drug stores online

  18. Jamesjiz
    March 24, 2025 at 11:41 pm

    india pharmacy without prescription: online medicine shopping in india – cheapest online pharmacy india

  19. Arthurwef
    March 24, 2025 at 11:42 pm

    https://interpharmonline.com/# best canadian online pharmacy
    safe canadian pharmacy

  20. MonteMap
    March 25, 2025 at 2:25 am

    buying from canadian pharmacies most reliable canadian online pharmacies canadian drugs online

  21. Arthurwef
    March 25, 2025 at 6:16 am

    http://mexicanpharminter.com/# reliable mexican pharmacies
    prescription drugs canada buy online

  22. Jamesjiz
    March 25, 2025 at 7:10 am

    escrow pharmacy canada: most reliable canadian online pharmacies – reputable canadian pharmacy

  23. Howardslutt
    March 25, 2025 at 8:19 am

    canadian pharmacy meds: canada pharmacy no prescription – legit canadian pharmacy online

  24. Arthurwef
    March 25, 2025 at 12:58 pm

    https://mexicanpharminter.com/# MexicanPharmInter
    certified canadian pharmacy

  25. MonteMap
    March 25, 2025 at 2:11 pm

    Mexican Pharm International MexicanPharmInter Mexican Pharm Inter

  26. Jamesjiz
    March 25, 2025 at 2:51 pm

    canadian pharmacy 24h com safe: InterPharmOnline.com – best canadian pharmacy online

  27. Howardslutt
    March 25, 2025 at 5:40 pm

    buying from canadian pharmacies: canadian drugstore online no prescription – canadian valley pharmacy

  28. Arthurwef
    March 25, 2025 at 7:55 pm

    https://mexicanpharminter.shop/# mexican pharmacy online store
    safe canadian pharmacies

  29. WillisLutle
    March 25, 2025 at 8:52 pm

    https://mexicanpharminter.com/# mexican drug stores online

  30. Jamesjiz
    March 25, 2025 at 10:50 pm

    Mexican Pharm Inter: reliable mexican pharmacies – reliable mexican pharmacies

  31. GregoryAnter
    March 26, 2025 at 12:45 am

    kamagra pillen kopen: KamagraKopen.pro – Kamagra Kopen

  32. KennethLus
    March 26, 2025 at 1:46 am

    http://generic100mgeasy.com/# Generic100mgEasy

  33. DwayneLah
    March 26, 2025 at 2:15 am

    cialis without a doctor prescription Generic Cialis without a doctor prescription Tadalafil Easy Buy

  34. TerryErose
    March 26, 2025 at 2:35 am

    https://generic100mgeasy.com/# buy viagra here

  35. Williamben
    March 26, 2025 at 2:54 am

    Kamagra Kopen: kamagra gel kopen – Kamagra

  36. GregoryAnter
    March 26, 2025 at 6:47 am

    Officiele Kamagra van Nederland: Kamagra Kopen – Kamagra Kopen Online

  37. KennethLus
    March 26, 2025 at 7:40 am

    https://generic100mgeasy.com/# Generic 100mg Easy

  38. TerryErose
    March 26, 2025 at 8:35 am

    https://kamagrakopen.pro/# Kamagra

  39. Williamben
    March 26, 2025 at 10:01 am

    cialis for sale: TadalafilEasyBuy.com – TadalafilEasyBuy.com

  40. DwayneLah
    March 26, 2025 at 11:55 am

    kamagra kopen nederland kamagra gel kopen kamagra jelly kopen

  41. GregoryAnter
    March 26, 2025 at 12:45 pm

    Generic100mgEasy: Generic 100mg Easy – Cheap generic Viagra

  42. KennethLus
    March 26, 2025 at 1:27 pm

    https://generic100mgeasy.com/# Generic100mgEasy

  43. TerryErose
    March 26, 2025 at 2:31 pm

    https://kamagrakopen.pro/# kamagra pillen kopen

  44. Williamben
    March 26, 2025 at 5:15 pm

    KamagraKopen.pro: Kamagra Kopen Online – Kamagra

  45. GregoryAnter
    March 26, 2025 at 6:44 pm

    Generic100mgEasy: Cheap generic Viagra online – Cheap generic Viagra online

  46. KennethLus
    March 26, 2025 at 7:23 pm

    http://tadalafileasybuy.com/# TadalafilEasyBuy.com

  47. TerryErose
    March 26, 2025 at 8:40 pm

    http://tadalafileasybuy.com/# TadalafilEasyBuy.com

  48. DwayneLah
    March 26, 2025 at 9:54 pm

    TadalafilEasyBuy.com Tadalafil Easy Buy TadalafilEasyBuy.com

  49. Williamben
    March 27, 2025 at 12:28 am

    kamagra jelly kopen: kamagra jelly kopen – Kamagra Kopen Online

  50. GregoryAnter
    March 27, 2025 at 2:19 am

    Tadalafil Easy Buy: cialis without a doctor prescription – Buy Cialis online

  51. KennethLus
    March 27, 2025 at 2:19 am

    http://generic100mgeasy.com/# buy generic 100mg viagra online

  52. TerryErose
    March 27, 2025 at 3:38 am

    https://kamagrakopen.pro/# kamagra pillen kopen

  53. Williamben
    March 27, 2025 at 6:30 am

    TadalafilEasyBuy.com: TadalafilEasyBuy.com – Tadalafil Easy Buy

  54. KennethLus
    March 27, 2025 at 9:25 am

    https://kamagrakopen.pro/# kamagra 100mg kopen

  55. DwayneLah
    March 27, 2025 at 9:41 am

    buy generic 100mg viagra online Generic100mgEasy Generic 100mg Easy

  56. GregoryAnter
    March 27, 2025 at 10:04 am

    kamagra kopen nederland: Kamagra – kamagra gel kopen

  57. TerryErose
    March 27, 2025 at 10:34 am

    https://generic100mgeasy.com/# Generic100mgEasy

  58. Williamben
    March 27, 2025 at 11:54 am

    kamagra kopen nederland: Officiele Kamagra van Nederland – Kamagra

  59. KennethLus
    March 27, 2025 at 3:52 pm

    https://kamagrakopen.pro/# Kamagra

  60. TerryErose
    March 27, 2025 at 5:00 pm

    https://tadalafileasybuy.shop/# cialis without a doctor prescription

  61. GregoryAnter
    March 27, 2025 at 5:17 pm

    Buy Tadalafil 5mg: cialis without a doctor prescription – Tadalafil Easy Buy

  62. Williamben
    March 27, 2025 at 5:18 pm

    Kamagra: kamagra gel kopen – KamagraKopen.pro

  63. DwayneLah
    March 27, 2025 at 9:08 pm

    TadalafilEasyBuy.com Cheap Cialis TadalafilEasyBuy.com

  64. KennethLus
    March 27, 2025 at 10:22 pm

    https://kamagrakopen.pro/# Kamagra Kopen

  65. Williamben
    March 27, 2025 at 10:38 pm

    Kamagra Kopen Online: Kamagra Kopen – kamagra jelly kopen

  66. TerryErose
    March 27, 2025 at 11:24 pm

    https://tadalafileasybuy.com/# Tadalafil Easy Buy

  67. GregoryAnter
    March 28, 2025 at 12:27 am

    Viagra tablet online: Generic100mgEasy – Generic Viagra for sale

  68. KennethLus
    March 28, 2025 at 4:41 am

    http://generic100mgeasy.com/# Cheapest Sildenafil online

  69. TerryErose
    March 28, 2025 at 5:41 am

    https://generic100mgeasy.com/# Cheap generic Viagra online

  70. GregoryAnter
    March 28, 2025 at 7:27 am

    Generic 100mg Easy: Buy Viagra online cheap – Generic100mgEasy

  71. DwayneLah
    March 28, 2025 at 8:36 am

    TadalafilEasyBuy.com Tadalafil Easy Buy cialis without a doctor prescription

  72. TerryErose
    March 28, 2025 at 11:47 am

    https://generic100mgeasy.shop/# buy generic 100mg viagra online

  73. GregoryAnter
    March 28, 2025 at 2:13 pm

    kamagra jelly kopen: kamagra jelly kopen – kamagra kopen nederland

  74. TerryErose
    March 28, 2025 at 5:51 pm

    https://tadalafileasybuy.com/# Tadalafil Tablet

  75. DwayneLah
    March 28, 2025 at 7:35 pm

    TadalafilEasyBuy.com TadalafilEasyBuy.com Tadalafil Easy Buy

  76. GregoryAnter
    March 28, 2025 at 8:57 pm

    Tadalafil Easy Buy: Cheap Cialis – cialis without a doctor prescription

  77. Jamesmig
    March 28, 2025 at 10:19 pm

    пин ап казино официальный сайт – пин ап казино официальный сайт

  78. Jessedib
    March 29, 2025 at 3:19 am

    pinup 2025: https://pinupkz.life/

  79. Jamesmig
    March 29, 2025 at 4:26 am

    пин ап зеркало – pinup 2025

  80. Williampaics
    March 29, 2025 at 5:26 am

    пинап казино – пин ап казино официальный сайт

  81. Jessedib
    March 29, 2025 at 10:01 am

    пин ап: https://pinupkz.life/

  82. DwayneLah
    March 29, 2025 at 10:16 am

    buy generic 100mg viagra online Generic100mgEasy Buy Viagra online cheap

  83. Jamesmig
    March 29, 2025 at 10:54 am

    пин ап казино официальный сайт – пин ап вход

  84. Jessedib
    March 29, 2025 at 4:46 pm

    пин ап казино зеркало: https://pinupkz.life/

  85. Jamesmig
    March 29, 2025 at 5:23 pm

    пин ап – пинап казино

  86. Williampaics
    March 29, 2025 at 5:52 pm

    пин ап – пин ап зеркало

  87. Jessedib
    March 29, 2025 at 11:18 pm

    пин ап: https://pinupkz.life/

  88. Jamesmig
    March 29, 2025 at 11:41 pm

    пин ап вход – пин ап казино зеркало

  89. DwayneLah
    March 29, 2025 at 11:44 pm

    Generic100mgEasy Generic100mgEasy cheapest viagra

  90. Williampaics
    March 29, 2025 at 11:50 pm

    пин ап казино зеркало – пин ап зеркало

  91. Jessedib
    March 30, 2025 at 5:59 am

    пинап казино: https://pinupkz.life/

  92. Williampaics
    March 30, 2025 at 6:04 am

    пин ап казино официальный сайт – pinup 2025

  93. Jamesmig
    March 30, 2025 at 6:10 am

    пин ап – пинап казино

  94. DwayneLah
    March 30, 2025 at 11:07 am

    kamagra jelly kopen kamagra pillen kopen kamagra 100mg kopen

  95. Williampaics
    March 30, 2025 at 12:31 pm

    пин ап казино – пин ап казино зеркало

  96. Jamesmig
    March 30, 2025 at 12:40 pm

    пин ап вход – пин ап казино официальный сайт

  97. Jessedib
    March 30, 2025 at 12:58 pm

    pinup 2025: https://pinupkz.life/

  98. Williampaics
    March 30, 2025 at 7:01 pm

    пин ап – пин ап

  99. Jamesmig
    March 30, 2025 at 7:03 pm

    пин ап казино официальный сайт – пин ап казино официальный сайт

  100. Jessedib
    March 30, 2025 at 7:58 pm

    пин ап зеркало: https://pinupkz.life/

Reply your comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked*