The Daughters

Main Point:Though God has wired us differently, we were all created to do his handiwork.

Vital Info Before You Get Started: The following info should help you contextualize this very popular song so you can have a great discussion about it with your kids.

• IMPORTANT NOTE TO PARENTS: We at The Source for Youth Ministry believe that certain elements in our youth culture can serve as good discussion jump starters with students. At the same time, we would never hope to introduce teens to a negative influence that they haven’t already encountered. This balance is a delicate one. In our experience most teens, churched and unchurched, keep pretty current with music and music videos like this one. Thanks to YouTube, MTV.com, Spotify, and iTunes, the most popular music videos and songs are free to access only a click away. If you decide to use this, do so by catering it to fit your family’s needs.
• Formed in 1999, Karen Fairchild, Kimberly Schlapman, Jimi Westbrook and Phillip Sweet make up Little big Town.
• The group operates without a lead singer, instead trading lead vocal duties and relying on each other’s harmonies.
• Their debut album in 2002 flopped causing them to be dropped from their label before being resurrected by country star Clint Black’s Equity Music Group label. Their new album The Road to Here was well-received critically, and spawned the smash hit single Boondocks.
• They have since released a total of eight studio albums and twenty-six singles, winning three Grammy Awards, eight CMA awards, eight ACM awards, an Emmy award and several others, including a CMT Artist of the Year award in 2015.

Introducing the Song – Say Something Like This: The Daughters is described as a country song that details the special challenges girls and women face due to societal expectations. Little Big Town singer Phillip Sweet speaks about the song saying, You know, we feel like it’s our ninth studio album and we’ve lived a lot of lives together. We get to say some things we really care about. Each member of the band is raising daughters so they penned a song that is about just teaching girls that… believe in yourself and you can do anything.

The Music Video: The music video can be viewed for free at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aPfHdJyd_IE

Song Lyrics – The Daughters

Oh girl, wash your face ‘fore you come to the table
Girl, know your place, be willing and able
Take it on the chin, let the best man win
Girl, shoulders back and stand up straight
Girl, watch your mouth and watch your weight
Mind your manners, smile for the camera 

And pose like a trophy on a shelf
Dream for everyone but not yourself
I’ve heard of God the Son and God the Father
I’m still looking for a God for the daughters 

Girl don’t be weak and don’t be strong
Say what you want just as long
As you nod your head with your lipstick on 

And pose like a trophy on a shelf
And dream for everyone but not yourself
I’ve heard of God the Son and God the Father
I’m just looking for a God for the daughters 

Wash the dishes, feed the kids and clean up all this mess
Do my best, forgive myself and look good in this dress
Da*n I look good in this dress 

And pose like a trophy on a shelf
I’ll dream for everyone but not myself
I’ve heard of God the Son and God the Father
And da*n I love my son, I love my father
I’m just looking for a God for the daughters
I’m just looking for a God for the daughters 

For the daughters
I’m just looking for a God
For the daughters
For the daughters

Three Questions to Ask in the Car (with thoughts to dive deeper with your kids):

Q: What are some things you think people in this world expect from teenagers?
A: Opens the doors to gaining insight into how they perceive expectations put on them, and you can explore which ones are fair, which are unfair, and how they are processing this as a teenager.

Q: Is it right or wrong to expect different things from people depending on their gender?
A: Dive in and see how they view gender roles, wiring, and expectations from the world and from God’s Word. This question should get you rolling.

Q: What do you think is unique or different about how God made you compared to how He made other people?
A: Have a conversation about how God wired them, how they see themselves, and transition in how to leverage their strengths to fulfill their purpose.

Where to Take It from Here: Wherever it feels natural. If these questions lead to a longer discussion on the topic, wonderful!  (There is a guide just after this paragraph that helps you do just that.) If your kids are barely uttering grunts, don’t get discouraged – the next time it feels right, try out another song. Keep engaging them.

For Deeper Discussion: 
(If your kids seem into diving in deeper and looking at what the Bible has to say on the subject, the following discussion guide can help take you there.)

Want help getting your teenager engaged in conversation? CLICK HERE for a helpful article from our “Parenting Help” page providing you with 3 Essentials to Talking with Today’s Teens.

Transition Statement – Say Something Like This: The expectations society places on people seems to vary depending on many factors. This song focuses on the different expectations placed on females and draws some conclusions based on those expectations. The reality of why each of us is here on this is a question most people ask, so in light of this song let’s take some time and talk about this and see what God has to say on the subject.

Discussion Questions:

1. ASK ALL FAMILY MEMBERS: As a teenager, what are some expectations you feel society has on you?
2. ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: Looking at the lyrics to this song, what are some the expectations the songwriters would say society has placed on girls? Do you agree with them? Explain why you think the way you do.
3. ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: What do you think they mean when they sing, And dream for everyone but not yourself?

4. ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: What do you think these lyrics mean: I’ve heard of God the Son and God the Father, I’m still looking for a God for the daughters? What do you think about this?

5. ASK ALL FAMILY MEMBERS: Do you think expectations of people should be different based on their gender? Explain why you think the way you do.

6. ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: Why do you think God created people to be wired so differently?
7. ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: What is something in how God has wired you that you think makes you mostly different from others?
8. ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: What do you think about the idea that if you believe in yourself you can do anything?

Read the following passage:

Ephesians 2:10
For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

9. ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: Read Ephesians 2:1-10. What are some things you observe about these verses?

10. ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: What do these verses say about who God is? What do they say about you and I?

11. ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: What do you suppose it means to be God’s handiwork?

12. ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: According to Ephesians 2:10, what purpose did God create people for? What do you think this means?

13. ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: When you consider verses 8-9, do you think the good works mentioned are possible for those who have not been saved?

14. ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: Do you think your purpose changes depending on how God has wired you? Explain why you think the way you do.

15. ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: What does it say about God’s view of us that He would create you and I to do His work?

16. ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: What does it look like in your life to live out the purpose God created you for?

Wrap Up – Say Something Like This:  The phrase “believe in yourself and you can do anything” is a great sentiment, but is not a statement you can put your trust in. I can believe in myself to the fullest extent possible and I will still not play Major League Baseball. You might believe in yourself to an incredible degree and still not win The Voice or another singing reality show. The great truth is that God has created you for something even greater than anything you or I could possibly dream up. He has created you to be involved in His work in this world. He made you to display His never-ending greatness, and to be a tangible representative of His truth, grace, and love. God has reached into your life for the purpose of being involved in something far greater than yourself – being involved in His mission in this world. Take a moment and reflect on what that means for you to be created by God for His work in this world.

(Pause and give them a quiet moment to pray silently.)

God has wired you differently from others. You may be male or female, tall or short, athletic or creative, loud or quiet, strategic or impulsive – and all of these things He can use as you walk out the good works He created you for. While your purpose will not change – you were created as His handiwork to do His works – the way you live that out will be different from another. He may use you to teach, to encourage, to build, or something else, all depending on how He wired you. Take a moment to thank God for how He wired you. Be specific. Thank Him for your physical, emotional, intellectual characteristics. Thank Him for your specific abilities and gifts.

(Pause and give them a few moments to pray silently.)

It’s an awesome thing to realize God created you lovingly, creatively, and purposefully. While society may place expectations on people that might not be fair, God is inviting each of us to lay all those things aside and follow after Him with our whole being. Let’s be people who refuse to spend time focusing on what we are not or what we perceive as fair or unfair, and instead let’s be those who embrace our purpose and chase after it above all else. May God help you grab hold of the way He has wired you with thankfulness and purpose!

CLOSE IN PRAYER