Talk

Main Point: Integrity in a relationship means being willing to match words with actions.

Vital Info Before You Get Started: The following info should help you contextualize this very popular song so you can have a great discussion about it with your kids.

• IMPORTANT NOTE TO PARENTS: We at The Source for Youth Ministry believe that certain elements in our youth culture can serve as good discussion jump starters with students. At the same time, we would never hope to introduce teens to a negative influence that they haven’t already encountered. This balance is a delicate one. In our experience most teens, churched and unchurched, keep pretty current with music and music videos like this one. Thanks to YouTube, MTV.com, Spotify, and iTunes, the most popular music videos and songs are free to access only a click away. If you decide to use this, do so by catering it to fit your family’s needs.
• Not to be confused with DJ Khaled, twenty-one year old Khalid Robinson burst onto the scene in 2016 with his hit song, Location. Reaching the Top 10 on Billboard Hot R&B Songs chart, Location led to his debut studio release, American Teen. Released in March of 2017, American Teen debuted at number nine on the Billboard 200.
• Khalid’s mother served in the military, causing him to move several times as a child, which made touring from city to city an easy transition. He cites his mother, who was a singer in the Army band, as the primary influence on his own music career.
• In 2018, Khalid was nominated in five Grammy categories including Best New Artist.
• His second album Free Spirit was released in April 2019.

Introducing the Song – Say Something Like This: In the song Talk, Khalid is singing about a relationship he finds himself in. He is undoubtedly committed to his girl, but is in the early stages of the relationship. He appears to fear moving too fast, especially considering he is really into this girl – so he proposes that they talk before they get lost in the relationship. Khalid wants to figure out where they are going and get on the same page before moving forward.

The Music Video: The music video can be viewed for free at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hE2Ira-Cwxo

Song Lyrics – Talk

Can we just talk? Can we just talk?
Talk about where we’re goin’
Before we get lost, lend me your thoughts
Can’t get what we want without knowin’
I’ve never felt like this before
I apologize if I’m movin’ too far
Can we just talk? Can we just talk?
Figure out where we’re goin’ 

Yeah, started off right
I can see it in your eyes
I can tell that you’re wantin’ more
What’s been on your mind?
There’s no reason we should hide
Tell me somethin’ I ain’t heard before 

Oh, I’ve been dreamin’ ’bout it
And it’s you I’m on
So stop thinkin’ ’bout it 

Can we just talk? Can we just talk?
Talk about where we’re goin’
Before we get lost, lend me your thoughts (Yeah)
Can’t get what we want without knowin’ (No)
I’ve never felt like this before
I apologize if I’m movin’ too far
Can we just talk? Can we just talk?
Figure out where we’re goin’ 

Oh, nah
Penthouse view, left some flowers in the room
I’ll make sure I leave the door unlocked
Now I’m on the way, swear I won’t be late
I’ll be there by five o’clock 

Oh, you’ve been dreamin’ ’bout it
And I’m what you want
So stop thinkin’ ’bout it 

Can we just talk? (Oh) Can we just talk?
Talk about where we’re goin’
Before we get lost, lend me your thoughts
Can’t get what we want without knowin’
I’ve never felt like this before
I apologize if I’m movin’ too far
Can we just talk? Can we just talk?
Figure out where we’re goin’

Figure out where we’re goin’

Three Questions to Ask in the Car (with thoughts to dive deeper with your kids):

Q: What do you think Khalid is hoping for when he asks her to “lend me your thoughts”?
A: This starts a conversation about the song, focusing on his motivation for wanting to talk. He is really into this girl but wants to know where she is at and where they are headed before the relationship gets too deep.

Q: Why do you think Khalid thinks it’s so important to figure out where they’re going?
A:  A great opportunity to dive into the intentionality in relationships and how important it is to get on the same page instead of playing games and guessing. You can guide your teenager into a conversation about why integrity matters and push back on the culture that says, “it doesn’t matter, we are just having fun.”

Q: What do you think it looks like to have integrity in a relationship and really put Jesus first?
A:  Explore with your teenager the practical side of integrity in a relationship and get their thoughts on what Jesus first looks like to them – and then you can coach them up appropriately from here.

Where to Take It from Here: Wherever it feels natural. If these questions lead to a longer discussion on the topic, wonderful!  (There is a guide just after this paragraph that helps you do just that.) If your kids are barely uttering grunts, don’t get discouraged – the next time it feels right, try out another song. Keep engaging them.

For Deeper Discussion:
(If your kids seem into diving in deeper and looking at what the Bible has to say on the subject, the following discussion guide can help take you there.)

Want help getting your teenager engaged in conversation? CLICK HERE for a helpful article from our “Parenting Help” page providing you with 3 Essentials to Talking with Today’s Teens.

Transition Statement – Say Something Like This:
In today’s world, despite the numerous ways we have to communicate with each other, it has become common to not talk through relationships and figure out where they are going. Here Khalid proposes they talk before things go much further raising the topic of getting on the same page and charting a course together.

Discussion Questions:

1. ASK YOUR WHOLE FAMILY: Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Explain why you think you are one or the other.
2. ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: What kind of conversations are difficult for you? For those who are willing, share about a difficult conversation you’ve had recently.
3. ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: What do you think he means when he says, “Before we get lost, lend me your thoughts. Can’t get what we want without knowin”?

4. ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: Why do you think he asks her, “What’s been on your mind?” Followed by, “There’s no reason we should hide.” Explain why you think he says these things.

5. ASK ALL FAMILY MEMBERS: Why do you think it’s hard for people to have “the talk” or to “DTR (define the relationship)” conversation early in a dating relationship?

6. ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: What do you think motivates Khalid to figure out where they are going in their relationship? What are the positives and negatives of this approach as you see them?

Read the following passage:

Proverbs 11:3
The Integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity.

9. ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: Read Proverbs 11:1-6. What are some themes you see in these verses?

10. ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: Define what you think integrity is. (A great definition I’ve heard is: being a person of high character no matter who is watching.)

11. ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: Why do you think duplicity can be destructive?

12. ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: When it comes to a relationship, why is it important that your words and actions match up? What are some ways people communicate one thing in their actions in a relationship that they are not communicating in their words?

13. ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: How do you think the term “talking” came to be? (Referring to two people who are starting to act like they are dating – but they have not defined the relationship but are labeled as “talking.”) How do you feel about people using that term when most of the time the two people are not actually talking about what they are looking for in the relationship they are heading into?

14. ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: What does integrity look like in a dating relationship between people your age? Explain why you think the way you do.

15. ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: Do you think integrity among teenagers in relationships is common or rare? Talk about what you see around you.

Wrap Up – Say Something Like This: In this song Khalid is really into this girl and can see them just pushing forward in the relationship, but wants to talk about things before they proceed. Perhaps he is guarding against hurt, or it’s possible he wants to assure things last, but either way his approach is wise and filled with integrity. Too often we can find ourselves acting a certain way without ever using the words to back things up. We might act flirty, text a person every day, and even cross physical lines – but will say in our words that we are just friends. Integrity is all about being consistent with your words and actions. We are honest about our motives and intentions with ourselves and others. Whether it’s with relationships or in another area, take a moment with God and talk about your own desire for integrity, and ask Him to reveal any place where you need to change course. 

(Pause and give them a quiet moment to pray silently.) 

Whether you are interested in relationships now or not, when you approach a dating relationship with integrity, you are inviting God to be part of it. Imagine a scenario where two people were honest about how they felt and what they wanted out of a relationship and then invited God to be at the center before things went forward. Does that sound like a relationship you want? What keeps you from having a relationship where Jesus is the center? Do you need Him to give you patience? Do you need to ask Him for a fresh start with integrity? Take a moment and talk to God about your own desire for a relationship – current or future, and talk about the role you want Him to play in that relationship. 

(Pause and give them a few moments to pray silently.) 

In today’s world it has become accepted, even for Christians, to act one way while never using the words to admit their intentions. Integrity talks about the relationship, even when it’s scary or risky, because ultimately the desire is to honor God and trust Him to guide the relationship. Let’s be people who reject the world’s approach of playing games and maneuvering, and instead let’s be people of integrity who let our words and actions match up – so Jesus can be in the center of our relationships now and always. 

CLOSE IN PRAYER