Main Point: Relationships can be the most wonderful things in life, but can our dependency on them be unhealthy? Should we allow ourselves to become intoxicated by others, leaving us in withdrawal if the relationship crumbles, or is there a better way to go about it? How should relationships factor into our desire for satisfaction?
Vital Info Before You Get Started:
The following info should help you contextualize this very popular song so you can have a great discussion about it with your kids.
- IMPORTANT NOTE TO PARENTS: We at The Source for Youth Ministry believe that certain elements in our youth culture can serve as good discussion jump starters with students. At the same time, we would never hope to introduce teens to a negative influence that they haven’t already encountered. This balance is a delicate one. In our experience most teens, churched and unchurched, keep pretty current with music and music videos like this one. Thanks to YouTube, MTV.com, and iTunes, the most popular music videos and songs are free to access only a click away. If you decide to use this, do so by catering it to fit your family’s needs.
- As a fifteen year old, Cuban native Camila Cabello decided to compete on the Fox TV show, X-Factor. After her first solo performance, Cabello joined other contestants to form the group Fifth Harmony. Fifth Harmony won third place on the show which propelled them to a record deal.
- After several successful years with the group, Cabello made a somewhat controversial split. Despite her departure, she would release several singles before her debut album dropped in January of 2018.
- Her song “Never Be the Same” has risen to the top ten on the Billboard Hot 100 chart and is gaining popularity on iTunes top songs.
- Don’t appear as if you have a “canned” discussion in your head and rattle off questions like a teacher giving a pop quiz—your kids get enough of that in school. This is a guide, primarily—not a verbatim script. Just familiarize yourself with the content here and start a conversation in the most natural, unforced way you know how.
Introducing the Song:
The song Never Be the Same has been described as a melodrama about addictive love. Cabello says the song is what falling in love sounds like…it’s intoxicating and reckless and feels like flying. The song entered the Billboard Hot 100 chart at 61 and has climbed all the way to 6. This song is said to show off what sets Cabello apart from other pop artists. One reviewer writes the way her breathless voice breaks at the top of her register is the mark of an artist. That she can quickly switch to her full voice for the desperate chorus is the mark of a star. This song has catapulted Camila into stardom and helped her forge her identity as a powerful solo artist.
The Music Video:
The music video can be viewed for free at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ph54wQG8ynk
Song Lyrics: Never Be the Same
Something must’ve gone wrong in my brain
Got your chemical all in my veins
Feeling all the highs, feeling all the pain
Let go on the wheel, it’s the bullet lane
Now I’m seeing red, not thinking straight
Blurring all the lines, you intoxicate me
Just like nicotine, heroin, morphine
Suddenly, I’m a fiend and you’re all I need
All I need, yeah, you’re all I need
It’s you, babe
And I’m a sucker for the way that you move, babe
And I could try to run, but it would be useless
You’re to blame
Just one hit of you, I knew I’ll never be the same
It’s you, babe
And I’m a sucker for the way that you move, babe
And I could try to run, but it would be useless
You’re to blame
Just one hit of you, I knew I’ll never ever, ever be the same
I’ll never be the same
I’ll never be the same
I’ll never be the same
Sneaking in LA when the lights are low
Off of one touch I could overdose
You said, “stop playing it safe, girl I wanna see you lose control”
Just like nicotine, heroin, morphine
Suddenly, I’m a fiend and you’re all I need
All I need, yeah, you’re all I need
It’s you, babe
And I’m a sucker for the way that you move, babe
And I could try to run, but it would be useless
You’re to blame
Just one hit of you, I knew I’ll never be the same
It’s you, babe
And I’m a sucker for the way that you move, babe
And I could try to run, but it would be useless
You’re to blame
Just one hit of you, I knew I’ll never ever, ever be the same
I’ll never be the same
I’ll never be the same
I’ll never be the same
You’re in my blood, you’re in my veins, you’re in my head (I blame)
You’re in my blood, you’re in my veins, you’re in my head
I’m saying it’s you, babe
And I’m a sucker for the way that you move, babe
And I could try to run, but it would be useless
You’re to blame
Just one hit of you, I knew I’ll never be the same
It’s you, babe
And I’m a sucker for the way that you move, babe
And I could try to run, but it would be useless
You’re to blame
Just one hit of you, I knew I’ll never ever, ever be the same
Three Questions to Ask in the Car (with thoughts to dive deeper with your kids):
Q: How would you explain to someone what a love relationship looks like?
A: Cabello says love is intoxicating and reckless. Is she right? Dive into what your kids think the characteristics of love look like.
Q: Can something that is addictive be a good thing?
A: In the song she uses powerful drug metaphors to describe a relationship. Are their good addictions, or are all things that are addictive bad?
Q: How can you recognize when you are pursuing something that is unhealthy?
A: What does it look like when someone is chasing something that is not good for them? What can you put in place to make sure you see the unhealthy things in your life?
Where to Take It from Here:
Wherever it feels natural. If these questions lead to a longer discussion on the topic, wonderful! (There is a guide just after that paragraph that helps you do just that.) If your kids are barely uttering grunts, don’t get discouraged – the next time it feels right, try out another song. Keep engaging them.
For Deeper Discussion:
(If your kids seem into diving in deeper and looking at what the Bible has to say on the subject, the following discussion guide can help take you there.)
Want help getting your teenager engaged in conversation? CLICK HERE for a helpful article from our “Parenting Help” page providing you with 3 Essentials to Talking with Today’s Teens.
Transitional Statement – Say something like this:
In our search for satisfaction, relationships can be a source of fulfillment. We find others who seem to understand us, people who we enjoy being with, and some who bring us happiness. While relationships are one of the true joys in life, is it possible that we can allow them to have too much influence in our lives? Is it possible for others to play a role in our lives that goes too far, and in our search for satisfaction we end up putting ourselves in an unhealthy place?
Let’s talk about this a bit and then look and see what God’s Word says on the subject.
Discussion Questions:
- ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: What are some characteristics of relationships that bring you joy?
- ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: What are some characteristics of relationships that frustrate you?
- ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: What are some things in your life that you would admit have too much influence on you?
- ASK ALL FAMILY MEMBERS: What does it look like when a relationship is addicting? How did Cabello describe the addiction of relationships in her song?
- ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: Why do you think we pursue things that can be unhealthy for us?
Read the following passage:
1 Corinthians 6:12
I have the right to do anything, you say – but not everything is beneficial. I have the right to do anything, but I will not be mastered by anything.
- ASK A FEW: What do you think the author means when he writes that he has the right to do anything?
- ASK A FEW: In what ways is it true that not everything is beneficial?
- AROUND THE CIRCLE: What are some things in your life that you would admit you do, but are probably not the best things for you?
- ASK A FEW: Looking at the lyrics to the song “Never Be the Same,” are there things Camila sings about that you would say demonstrate a relationship that is not the best thing for her?
- ASK A FEW: What does it mean to be mastered by something? Why do you think God desires for us to not be mastered by anything?
- ASK A FEW: The death of Jesus on the cross gives you freedom to not be mastered by anything. What does it look like for you to live a life of freedom in this way?
Wrap Up:
During this time, we listened to Camila Cabello sing about an addictive relationship. She describes it, saying it’s just like nicotine, heroin, morphine. While most people do not have experience with those specific drugs, it paints a powerful picture of how she feels about this relationship. Singing about this relationship, she says;
You’re in my blood, you’re in my veins, you’re in my head
As we look at 1 Corinthians 6:12, we see that as followers of Jesus, we are permitted to have relationships. We are permitted to do many things, but the lens by which we look at these things should be are they beneficial? Will these things help me be the person God created me to be?
So what should get our attention? What are the things that are beneficial to us and will help us get where God has called us to go?
The answer there is to focus on things that last. 1 John 2:17 says:
The world and its desires pass away
The things in this world will not last, so we are called to focus on things that will get us where we want to go with God, and one way to determine those things is to focus on what will last.
What are some things that will last, and will help move you forward in your relationship with God?
(Pause and give them a moment to consider this question.)
In Matthew 6:33, Jesus said:
Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
The things of God will last beyond this life. Investing in an authentic relationship with Jesus is what we were made for; it’s what will fulfill us. If we pursue that, He will take care of the rest.
What do you need to do so you can shift your focus from things that are not beneficial to a relationship with God that will last?
(Pause and give them a moment to consider this question.)
It is so easy to go with the flow and chase after the things that everyone else values. God has called you to be different and to chase after things that will last. God has invited you to things that are beneficial, and that starts with knowing Him in an intimate way. While there are relationships in this world that help us grow in our faith, we must be careful to not allow other relationships to consume us. If we trust Him, and seek Him first, we can be confident of even greater things to come.
CLOSE IN PRAYER
Rob Chagdes
Rob Chagdes is one of the pastors at Prairie Lakes Church in northern Iowa. In the years since he met Jesus as a sixteen year old, Rob has spent his life working to raise up the next generation to love God and invite others into His unending story. He spends most of his free time with his wife Leslie, their three amazing daughters, and their energetic dog Jedi. You can reach Rob at chagdeswrites@gmail.com
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